Too Straight to be Massaged by a Fellow Man

Men, have you ever imagined going for a massage only for a fellow man to turn up as the one to massage you? This is a story of Jamie Nash who had a similar experience and whatever he did will not only leave you in stitches but also with more questions than answers.

Last December, Jamie Nash, a Kenyan, spent his holidays in a very posh hotel in Dubai. While taking his walk he noticed that the hotel had a spa where they offer massage and decided to try. 

“Since it was Christmas, I said why not treat myself. I went to the reception to enquire and it was to cost me a whopping 500 Dirham. Being a Kikuyu I did quick math and that was about 15k. I said mwathani, ngiri ikumi na ithano kuhihinywo mahīndī? (10K just to press my bones?),” he says.

Grand Hyatt, the hotel where Jamie Nash spent his holiday | Photo Courtesy

Massage went wrong

It was all going well until the time came for the massage and Jamie realized it was a fellow man to do the exercise. He says he couldn’t believe nor imagine that that happening to him. That a fellow man all over his uncovered body massaging him.

Nilitoka mbio (I ran), zoomed past reception and I could hear those girls calling. Excuse me, sir, is everything alright? Sir, sir, Mr Nash…. (with an Indian accent). I went round the block and jumped into the swimming pool. nilikuwa na hema kama sungura. (I was panting like a rabbit).

Jamie says that some things like this are just unimaginable to him. According to him, this is more than a taboo and he would never allow it at any cost, not even after paying the Kshs. 15, 0000. 

“I mean I can’t imagine lying down there all naked and another man anifinye finye (press press me). I said I have never had a massage and what was in my mind is in massage room no bones in my body will be left unturned, both back and front. Is this what happens?” he continues.

Mr Nash adds that there is a part of his body that “came into this world intact and I intend to leave this world with it intact”.

“I guess I’m too straight,” he said.